How to Write a Book as a Mom of Many

When I was a teenager I wrote the complete first draft of a book in just under one month. One year ago in August I began writing our book “Beaten: Recovering from Your Husband’s Porn Addiction.” Turns out writing as a mom is quite a bit slower than writing as a single chick with nothing better to do. Our book is still not completely finished, but I’ve learned a few lessons. Tips of the trade, per se. The kids and I would like to bless you with those today. These are specifically geared toward writing as a mom of many, but they can easily be adapted to fit any project you attempt as a mother with any number of children. Enjoy!

1. Find a quiet room in which to write, all by yourself. Then listen to the delightful sound of little fists pounding away on the other side of the door.

2. Get up at 4:00am to write in blissful silence. Have that silence broken at 4:03am by the patter of little feet and shouts of “Can I get up now?” These shouts WILL wake the baby and probably everyone else in the house. Embrace the fact that no one is going back to sleep. Have a 4:30am breakfast party instead.

3. Send the children to bed early. And watch as this backfires because, while they can’t actually fall asleep that early, it gives them just enough energy to act like hooligans until midnight.

4. Set out on a mission to hide in an out-of-the-way closet and tell the children not to follow. Be followed anyway and spend your allotted writing time doling out punishments for disobedience.

5. Write during naptime, because it should be quiet then. HaHA! You thought naptime was QUIET??!!! Silly Mama.

6. Write despite the chaos around you. Be interrupted with a million questions and reports about what younger siblings are destroying. Punctuate each sentence you write with, “Get down from there!” “Don’t touch that!” and, “I’m trying to write. Can we please be quieter?”

7. Plan to spend the month of July focusing on the book as much as possible. Spend the month of July puking from morning sickness instead.

8. Assign chores to keep the children busy while you write. Become slightly distracted by refereeing a tug-of-war over the bath towels. Soar across the room to save a breakable dish from crashing to its death. Remove the baby from the kitchen table. Remind the toddler, for the thousandth time, that toilet bowl scrubbers are not toothbrushes.

9. Send the children off with their Papa. Find yourself frozen with writer’s block due to the eerie silence.

10. Make it your goal to write just one coherent paragraph. Ignore the questions. Block out the noise. Succeed in finishing that one paragraph. Read over your masterpiece. Realize that you’re not so good at ignoring the children after all as you read such sentences as, “Forgiveness does not equal trust. Just because you have forgiven your husband does not mean that you necessarily Amos stay off the counter.” Apparently your subconscious cannot refrain from registering the mayhem.

11. Walk away from your computer for two minutes and return to the baby editing your work. Example: “You are responsible for supporting 36+.+663++66+63ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIITkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.36+36 your husband, not fixing him.”

12. Victoriously announce that you have finished writing one whole chapter. Have your enthusiasm met with your six-year-old’s encouragement of, “Why did it take you so long to write just one chapter?”

*Special thanks to the Five Little Monkeys who both inspired and helped write this post.*