I scrolled Facebook recently and read about all the amazing things my friends are able to accomplish in a single 24 hour day. One friend had just served her family a three course dinner on a weeknight. Another friend was in the middle of remodeling her house, mostly on her own. My sister-in-law posted a picture of the beautiful yarn she had just hand-dyed (she’s so awesome!). All my friends seem to pull off the image of perfect wife and mother with creative ease, and I’m over here like, “I took a shower today! Go me!”
I wondered how in the world they do
it all. How do they cook, and clean, and homeschool, and give speeches, and dote
on their husbands, and find time for their own hobbies, all while staying in
shape, organizing nonprofit events, and balancing a baby, two toddlers, and a 4th
grader? What’s their secret?
Here’s the secret (and I know you know this): they don’t all
do it all!
I found myself looking at my
friends as if they were all one person. As if the same person who cooked a
gourmet meal also gutted her kitchen and restored it to its 1940s glory, all in
the same day. As if the woman with six children under the age of six is the
same woman who runs an international business from her home. As if the person
who founded an international orphanage for special needs children is the same
person who owns a dairy farm and makes her own cheese.
How silly.
But, that’s how moms feel sometimes
when they look at the accomplishments of those around them and then survey the
chaos that has exploded in their own living rooms. They feel like everyone else
is able to juggle all areas of life with grace while they struggle simply to throw
food on the table three times a day.
I was surprised (more like shocked)
when someone told me recently, “You just seem to have it all together.” Girl. Have you seen my bathroom? Have you heard the way I snap at my kids
when I get hangry? Do you realize I still haven’t written thank-you notes for
the gifts we received at our baby shower back in March?
Just in case you see a snippet of
my life in your newsfeed and think that I have anything (much less everything)
together, let me tell you...
· I make chicken broth from scratch because I believe it’s super healthy for my family. I also feed my kids frozen pizza for lunch. Go figure.
· I make my own laundry detergent because it’s
cheaper. I also gave up cloth diapering and buy disposables because, though
more expensive, they’re easier!
· I take my husband’s shoes off when he gets home,
but I don’t get up to make him breakfast before he leaves for work.
· I make my kids say “please” and “thank you,” but
I’ve done a terrible job at teaching them to say “ma’am” and “sir.”
· We do devotional with the kids every night, but
we don’t always eat together as a family.
· I keep a decently clean house most of the time,
but I don’t read to my kids every day.
· I make my kids brush their teeth every night,
but – Okay, we won’t go there ;-)
I believe all those things are important,
but I struggle to do all of them all the time.
There is always a trade-off.
Making the choice to do one thing
always means making the choice not to
do something else. It doesn’t mean you’ll never do that other thing, it just
means you can’t do it while you do what you need or want to do in this moment. You
get to decide what your priorities are, and they do not have to be the same as
mine. As long as they are lining up with God’s top priorities for your life,
you’re good.
As women we like to pride
ourselves on our ability to multitask. We can bounce a baby on one hip while
whipping up supper, paying bills, checking emails, and grading school
assignments. We are supermoms, after all. But, no matter how good you are at
multitasking, you still have to make the choice not to do something. While you’re busy doing that impressive dinnertime
dance, there is no way you can also write an award winning novel, teach an expert
class on essential oils, and give your husband the undivided attention he deserves
all at the same time. No one does it all, and especially not all at once.
We adopted a little girl and gave
birth to our fifth kid this year. Now is not the time for me to plan a huge
vegetable garden, pursue my dream of flipping houses, or even teach Bible
class. As great as those things are, they are not things I’m capable of doing
right now, and that’s okay. I do what I can, and that’s enough.
I make the choice to improve my
family’s eating habits by cooking what I can from scratch, while also
recognizing that there are seasons when sandwiches and juice boxes are going to
have to do. I make the choice to save my family money by putting a little extra
work into making my own housecleaning products, while at the same time choosing
to spend a little extra money on other things simply to make life less
stressful.
When you observe someone from
afar, it’s easy to see the things they are able to do and assume
that they have mastered life. But, remember, there are only 24 hours in their day, too. They may look like they’re able to do it all, but they’re
not. Their excellence in one area means that they struggle in another. Just
like you. You may not be the perfect homemaker, but you’ve got some mad skills.
And, hey, if the most impressive thing you do in a day is point your kids to
Jesus, you’re doing a pretty awesome job, chica. Well done.
Now go forth and start that
homemade vegetable soup to simmering, then go hand out cookies and enjoy your kids’ smiles. They’ll know you’re something pretty special.
"...study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; That ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing" (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12).
What’s your trade-off? What’s
something cool you do but are only able to do because you do something else a
little less impressive?
To read a husband's perspective on this topic, click HERE.
To read a husband's perspective on this topic, click HERE.
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