Chores for Littles - Plus a free worksheet from Education.com!

Having a large family is a lot of work. I don’t even really consider our family to be that big yet, but currently we have 21 mouths to feed in a day (7 people x 3 meals), 14 shoes to find when it’s time to go, 140 nails to clip, 1-2 daily baskets of laundry to wash and fold, and at least 14 diapers/pull-ups to change every day (and that’s about to increase by a LOT with Baby due in February).

Not so very long ago we were exhausted just trying to care for the basic needs of 5 very young children. To give you an idea of how well I was keeping up, after a visit one day a friend commented that the state of my house inspired her to go home and clean her own LOL! It was bad. As soon as I got one room clean I turned around to find the babies had destroyed another. It felt like shoveling the sidewalk in the middle of a blizzard – futile and pretty ridiculous to even attempt.

Over the last few months, things have gotten MUCH easier. The older the kids get the more they are able to help. There are still lots of times when I feel like I’m in that blizzard shoveling snow again, but we have a pretty good routine down these days and most of the time it feels like we’re at least treading water.

This Is Adoption, Too

I'm ready to talk about adoption.

I haven't shared much about our journey since bringing Little Miss home a year and a half ago. We've been too deep in the trenches. Too mentally exhausted. Too afraid of sharing too much.

I haven't shared what it's like because, other than fellow adoptive parents, there are few people who understand. The times when I've tried to explain I've been met with blank stares or a lot of, "You're making too big a deal out of this." So, I talk to my small circle of support, and I get advice from counselors, and I pray without ceasing, and I eat a lot of chocolate.

But I'm ready to more openly share what adoption looks like in real life. Not to scare you, but to give you an honest look at both the good and the bad.

Adoption is beautiful, and terrifying, and exciting, and depressing. It is fighting to bring home a baby you've never met but whom you already love like your own. And it's getting her home only to realize that while you DO love her just as much as you love your bio kids, you also love her... differently.

Adoption is a joyful journey. There is so much to celebrate in the little victories of each day. So much love to go around. So much happiness to go along with adding another child to the home. But it's also living in a state of high alert 24/7 waiting for the next shoe to drop. That is your new normal and you learn to thrive within the catastrophes. 

Adoption is waiting out the storms. It's seeing the stress in your bio kids' eyes from listening to the screams and watching the rebellion. It's seeing behavior in your youngest that you know with 100% certainty he would never have attempted had it not been for his adopted sibling, and it's fighting resentment that she has, to an extent, stolen the innocence of her baby brother.

Adoption is spending six hours engaged in a battle over a "simple" thing like your child refusing to pick up the spoon she dropped on the floor just because you told her to. It's knowing that at times your little girl would literally rather die than submit to your authority. It's dealing with compulsive lying on an hourly basis. And it's finally, after months of struggling, finding strength in the tiniest little breakthrough.

Adoption is constantly being questioned about your parenting tactics. It's being told that she doesn't understand what you're telling her to do by people she has so thoroughly convinced that "she's still learning English" and that you are being too hard on her. It's being told that she is so sweet, so compliant, and so friendly that she can't possibly have any degree of RAD. Because they don't understand that the triangulation and manipulation are so subtle that most of the time her parents are the only ones who can see it, even when it happens right in front of other people (which, by the way, makes you as a mom feel crazy and mean and full of self-doubt). But no, she's too sweet to have RAD. They would know.

Adoption is being judged by other people for insisting that she obey fully and completely and exactly, because they don't see how she tries to maintain control by only obeying to a certain degree. To them it is "close enough." They don't understand that if you don't insist on "exactly" rather than "close" when you know what she's capable of, then she will see her parents as weak and untrustworthy and incapable of taking care of her.

Adoption is having to teach a child that it's not okay to pinch herself. It's holding a raging little girl while she hits and growls at you. It's being asked if she always smiles so much and answering honestly that she does, but being inwardly heartbroken because you know that half of the smiles are fake.

Adoption is knowing that everything you researched, all the training you received, and all the advice other adoptive parents gave you pre-adoption is true. It's also accepting that knowing it and living it are two very different things. You were prepared as much as possible for how hard it was going to be. But that doesn't make it any less hard.

Adoption is always being asked how she's doing, how she's adjusting, how she's succeeding, but rarely being asked how you're feeling, how you're adapting, or what you need.

Adoption is such a perfect picture of God's love for us, in more ways than I could possibly understand before we began this adventure. Parenting a child who fights you tooth and nail, who resists your love, and who wants to go back to what she knows as safe even if it was miserable... It gives you such a clear picture of how God must feel when we pull away from Him and long to go back into the darkness from which He drew us. Adoption is redemption, and it is so worth it. But it isn't Anne of Green Gables.

I feel like we received some of the best training an adoptive parent can get. We had three years of gathering resources, and hearing stories, and being taught by the experts. But still, nothing prepares you for that moment when you look at the child you brought into your home and you think, what have we done?

I've shared the milestones and happy moments. The shiny new wheelchair, the first steps, the funny sayings, and the heart-melting pictures. But now I'm ready to share the rest of the story. Not because I want anyone to feel sorry for us or in any way think less of my daughter. I'm not sharing to scare people away from adoption but because I want MORE people to adopt - with their eyes wide open.

This is adoption. This is real life. And this is where we need more people willing to step in. We need more people willing to adopt kids from hard places and love them through their darkest, scariest moments. And we need more people to come alongside adoptive families with understanding, supporting them without question. Without judgment. Without doubt.

So many people want to love on our little girl, and we are so grateful and blessed by that. But if you can hear this in the way it is intended: She doesn't need you, because she has us. 

But we need you.

Oh, so desperately, we need your love and your understanding, and your help. We need you to let us share what the last year has really been like. We need you to tell us that you know it's hard even if you don't know exactly what it's like, and that it's okay that we don't always get it right. And we need you to send us lots and lots of chocolate.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light" (1 Peter 2:9).

Praise be to the Father who adopted us out of darkness and into His light. He has carried us through, and we will continue to hold to His promises.

Talking Business with Emily Hayes, Owner of the Modest Clothing Store "The Pearly Peacock"

It's Small Business Saturday, and today we're talking with the owner of one of my favorite online stores! In this post, we introduced The Pearly Peacock, which sells trendy yet modest clothes. Today Emily is going to tell us the backstory behind how her business began.

1. Tell us about yourself, Emily!

My name is Emily Hayes. I'm a follower of Jesus, wife to a wonderful husband named Chris, and homeschooling mom to Maddox (6) and Anzley (1). I am also a 2007 graduate of Freed-Hardeman University.

2. What is "The Pearly Peacock"?

The Pearly Peacock is an online store that specializes in finding modest but fashionable clothing.

3. What led you to opening up shop?

Not long after I had my first child, I was upset because I couldn't find anything to wear. Everything seemed very immodest or not age appropriate. My sweet husband said, "You should open up a store for modest, fashionable clothing." After much talk and prayer we decided that would be a great thing to do.

4. How long have you been in business?

Five Years.

5. What's your favorite part of owning a home business?

Staying home with my children while helping women feel confident in their clothing choices.

6. Between being a wife and mother, how do you find time for The Pearly Peacock?

Sometimes it can be very overwhelming, but with the help of my husband and friends who work with me, things get done. Most of my work is done when my children are sleeping and late at night when we are watching TV.

7. How do you stock your inventory? Do you find modest pieces at several different stores, have one supplier, or sew the items yourself?

I spend hours upon hours looking for articles of clothing that are modest or can be made modest. I buy things from all over the country, so I don't use just one supplier.

8. What sizes do you carry?

We carry sizes S-3XL. Sometimes we will even have a few Junior sizes.

9. What's your price range?

We try to keep our prices very reasonable. Right now we have items ranging from $14-$54.

10. Where can my readers see your items and place an order?

www.thepearlypeacock.com or www.facebook.com/thepearlypeacock

I hope you've enjoyed learning about The Pearly Peacock. I definitely intend to place an order and I hope you do, too! Enter the code BLACKFRIDAY20 at checkout for 20% off!

Thanks for joining us, Emily! Keep up the good work!

[Disclosure: This post is part of a series that received compensation, but the opinions I expressed are my own]

Are you a stay-at-home mom with a home business you'd like to see featured on the Beautiful Chaos blog? Send me an email at servingfromhome@gmail.com!

The Family Business: Working WITH Your Kids

One of the best parts about running a home business is that you get to work around your family. But HOW do you accomplish business tasks when you are surrounded by littles?

Work in Your “Off” Hours

Your primary role as mother is to bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). That means you need to be available to meet their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. If you are always distracted working on business projects, your children are going to perceive that you have put making money above them. Your children are your mission field. Don’t let your home business take you away from the reason you are a stay-at-home mom to begin with.

That said, there are times when your children don’t need you. One strategy for making your business work around your children is to find snippets of time when they are naturally occupied elsewhere. Nap time, early morning, or after curfew hours work great for many SAHMs. Waiting for kids while they are in music lessons or sports practice is another opportunity for work (just be sure you aren’t missing those golden moments of watching your children succeed in their lessons!). It’s also perfectly acceptable to set aside “me time” during the day – a set period of time when the children know that you are going to work on your business and they need to play happily. As long as it is understood that this is a specific, limited amount of time it’s not bad for your kids to learn that you need thirty minutes to yourself now and then.

Some of your most productive hours for your business are going to be when your children otherwise naturally occupied. This way, they aren’t missing you and you’re not missing opportunities to nurture them. But SAHMs don’t always get “off” hours. My oldest boys have outgrown their naps, so afternoons can be busy around here. Not to mention, in the baby season you are dead tired and getting up “just a little earlier” or staying up “just a little later” is not an option. Your family needs you to get adequate rest, not drain yourself trying to grow your business.

So what option do you have when you NEVER get kid-free time?

Work WITH Your Kids

One of my favorite things about my business is that it gives me a chance to work with my children. I try to involve them in as many aspects as I can. Rather than getting frustrated because they want to ask a million questions about what I’m doing, I use it as an opportunity to help them learn skills and develop their own talents.

My primary business is supporting SAHMs with small businesses. This means I do a lot of advertising, which requires getting to know my clients and their products. I especially enjoy the interviews I conduct with potential clients, and my older boys (5 yrs and 6 yrs) love to help me come up with questions to ask. Just this morning they sat on my lap and together we came up with a list of questions people might have about my client’s business. When you read author or business owner interviews on this blog, many of the questions you see were produced by my boys. Kids come up with great questions I never would have thought to ask!

I also play around with other money-making ventures and try to include my kids. I’ve recently begun delving into the world of photography. My little ones actually make great assistants (as long as I use them one at a time J). They grab props, adjust lighting, and make posing suggestions. We’ve discovered that my 6 yr old has a great eye for editing photos, so I ask him what he thinks needs to be adjusted on a particular image. Not only does he help me out, he’s developing his own skills to use later in life.

Don’t get me wrong, it is still more difficult and more time consuming to work with children on business projects. But a slow process is so much better than neglecting them. Your product may not lend itself well toward involving your kids, especially if they are very young. Even so, there is usually some part of the production line that kids can help with, even if it’s just making a color suggestion. Kids make great salesmen, too, especially at craft shows! Show your kids how you make your product, let them help you with marketing, and celebrate when you succeed together.

Remind Your Children of Your Purpose

When working on business ventures with your kids, be purposeful. Use your time to help them develop skills, talk to them about why you are running this business, and teach them that using their talents to make money is great but using their talents in service to the Kingdom is even better!

Model a servant heart in your business. Show your kids how you use your business not only to make money but also to serve God. That could be in the form of donating your product or profit to someone in need, talking to clients about the Gospel, or using your skills to help other people. There are so many ways you can include your kids in service through your business. “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Colossians 3:17). Keep your focus where it should be and teach your children to do the same.

Kids are fun co-workers. Embrace the loud, crazy, and messy. You’ll treasure the memories you make while working together on your family business!

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Home Business Series: The Pearly Peacock MODEST CLOTHING Line!

Today I am thrilled to introduce The Pearly Peacock! Stay-at-home mom Emily Hayes is committed to bringing us fashionable clothing that promotes Christian values - and her stuff is ADORABLE!

[Disclosure: This post is part of a series that received compensation, but the opinions I express cannot be bought :)]

Yep, you can be modest without sacrificing style! Emily not only provides cute, affordable clothes but also shares tips on how to make almost any item of clothing modest.

Preparing Our Daughters for a Culture of Porn

When I was a teenager (not so very long ago), the epidemic of Internet pornography was just beginning to be recognized. By the time I got married, most of my peers knew that the majority of guys our age had a problem with porn. We might not have understood the impact it would have on our future marriages, but we were somewhat prepared for the likelihood of marrying a man with a history of porn use.

Our parents were not as aware of the problem. They didn’t understand how easily erotic material could be accessed, or how quickly curiosity leads to addiction. Studies were not yet out on the addictive nature of porn or the compounding issue of screen addiction. We didn’t have the science on how early exposure traumatizes the brain and damages emotional development. Often times, the first conversation parents had with their boys about pornography took place only after they discovered inappropriate material on their computers.

It wasn’t that parents were neglectful. They just didn’t know. With all the education out there today, I see Christian parents being proactive; taking precautions like installing filtering software, becoming more tech savvy so they are aware of danger zones, and beginning the conversation with their boys from a very young age. I hear more talk about how to end porn addiction, and more discussions on preparing our daughters to address the issue of pornography in relationships before committing themselves to a man for life. That is wonderful!

But while we are busy protecting our boys, Satan is busy at work. In our zeal to protect the hearts and minds of our young men, let’s not overlook a rapidly growing issue among our youth: Female porn addiction.