This Is Adoption, Too

I'm ready to talk about adoption.

I haven't shared much about our journey since bringing Little Miss home a year and a half ago. We've been too deep in the trenches. Too mentally exhausted. Too afraid of sharing too much.

I haven't shared what it's like because, other than fellow adoptive parents, there are few people who understand. The times when I've tried to explain I've been met with blank stares or a lot of, "You're making too big a deal out of this." So, I talk to my small circle of support, and I get advice from counselors, and I pray without ceasing, and I eat a lot of chocolate.

But I'm ready to more openly share what adoption looks like in real life. Not to scare you, but to give you an honest look at both the good and the bad.

Adoption is beautiful, and terrifying, and exciting, and depressing. It is fighting to bring home a baby you've never met but whom you already love like your own. And it's getting her home only to realize that while you DO love her just as much as you love your bio kids, you also love her... differently.

Adoption is a joyful journey. There is so much to celebrate in the little victories of each day. So much love to go around. So much happiness to go along with adding another child to the home. But it's also living in a state of high alert 24/7 waiting for the next shoe to drop. That is your new normal and you learn to thrive within the catastrophes. 

Adoption is waiting out the storms. It's seeing the stress in your bio kids' eyes from listening to the screams and watching the rebellion. It's seeing behavior in your youngest that you know with 100% certainty he would never have attempted had it not been for his adopted sibling, and it's fighting resentment that she has, to an extent, stolen the innocence of her baby brother.

Adoption is spending six hours engaged in a battle over a "simple" thing like your child refusing to pick up the spoon she dropped on the floor just because you told her to. It's knowing that at times your little girl would literally rather die than submit to your authority. It's dealing with compulsive lying on an hourly basis. And it's finally, after months of struggling, finding strength in the tiniest little breakthrough.

Adoption is constantly being questioned about your parenting tactics. It's being told that she doesn't understand what you're telling her to do by people she has so thoroughly convinced that "she's still learning English" and that you are being too hard on her. It's being told that she is so sweet, so compliant, and so friendly that she can't possibly have any degree of RAD. Because they don't understand that the triangulation and manipulation are so subtle that most of the time her parents are the only ones who can see it, even when it happens right in front of other people (which, by the way, makes you as a mom feel crazy and mean and full of self-doubt). But no, she's too sweet to have RAD. They would know.

Adoption is being judged by other people for insisting that she obey fully and completely and exactly, because they don't see how she tries to maintain control by only obeying to a certain degree. To them it is "close enough." They don't understand that if you don't insist on "exactly" rather than "close" when you know what she's capable of, then she will see her parents as weak and untrustworthy and incapable of taking care of her.

Adoption is having to teach a child that it's not okay to pinch herself. It's holding a raging little girl while she hits and growls at you. It's being asked if she always smiles so much and answering honestly that she does, but being inwardly heartbroken because you know that half of the smiles are fake.

Adoption is knowing that everything you researched, all the training you received, and all the advice other adoptive parents gave you pre-adoption is true. It's also accepting that knowing it and living it are two very different things. You were prepared as much as possible for how hard it was going to be. But that doesn't make it any less hard.

Adoption is always being asked how she's doing, how she's adjusting, how she's succeeding, but rarely being asked how you're feeling, how you're adapting, or what you need.

Adoption is such a perfect picture of God's love for us, in more ways than I could possibly understand before we began this adventure. Parenting a child who fights you tooth and nail, who resists your love, and who wants to go back to what she knows as safe even if it was miserable... It gives you such a clear picture of how God must feel when we pull away from Him and long to go back into the darkness from which He drew us. Adoption is redemption, and it is so worth it. But it isn't Anne of Green Gables.

I feel like we received some of the best training an adoptive parent can get. We had three years of gathering resources, and hearing stories, and being taught by the experts. But still, nothing prepares you for that moment when you look at the child you brought into your home and you think, what have we done?

I've shared the milestones and happy moments. The shiny new wheelchair, the first steps, the funny sayings, and the heart-melting pictures. But now I'm ready to share the rest of the story. Not because I want anyone to feel sorry for us or in any way think less of my daughter. I'm not sharing to scare people away from adoption but because I want MORE people to adopt - with their eyes wide open.

This is adoption. This is real life. And this is where we need more people willing to step in. We need more people willing to adopt kids from hard places and love them through their darkest, scariest moments. And we need more people to come alongside adoptive families with understanding, supporting them without question. Without judgment. Without doubt.

So many people want to love on our little girl, and we are so grateful and blessed by that. But if you can hear this in the way it is intended: She doesn't need you, because she has us. 

But we need you.

Oh, so desperately, we need your love and your understanding, and your help. We need you to let us share what the last year has really been like. We need you to tell us that you know it's hard even if you don't know exactly what it's like, and that it's okay that we don't always get it right. And we need you to send us lots and lots of chocolate.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light" (1 Peter 2:9).

Praise be to the Father who adopted us out of darkness and into His light. He has carried us through, and we will continue to hold to His promises.

The Day We Had a Family Celebration Over $0.80

We believe in celebrating the small things in life.

Like when Baby threw away his diaper for the first time.

Or how Big Brother read the word “famine” on his first try.

Or the day we made our first $0.80 on our family’s new e-commerce website.

Today was that day. A day of family celebration!

We launched our brand new online marketplace www.sharketmarket.com on Black Friday. Our whole family has been working on this project for quite some time and we are thrilled to see it leave the ground! Sharket Market is an online multi-vendor marketplace designed to support home businesses – particularly those within certain categories such as:

•           Members of the Church of Christ
•           Missionaries/Preachers
•           Adoptive Parents
•           Widows
•           Stay-at-Home Moms
•           Young Entrepreneurs

Customers who want to support a specific type of vendor can shop by vendor category, or they can simply browse the “Products” page and know that every purchase they make goes toward supporting home businesses. The name “Sharket Market” came from the idea of a marketplace that shares support – thus “Shar[e]ket Market” (But yes, it’s pronounced “SHARKet Market,” and our mascot is a quirky shark the kids named Joe).

The idea for Sharket Market came about three years ago when I started the Facebook group “From Heart and Home.” I thought it would be neat to eventually create an e-commerce site where people could intentionally buy from and support stay-at-home moms. Then we thought, why not expand that vision? Why not create a website that would also make it easy for members of the Church to buy from brothers and sisters in Christ? Then we expanded further with a desire to help adoptive families bring their little ones home, so we created a way for vendors in that category to receive 100% commission on their products. From there, Sharket Market kept growing.

Now you can register as a vendor for free, add unlimited products to your store with no expirations, and receive 95% commission. The 5% commission that we receive supports our family as we strive to minister in the domestic mission field of Wisconsin. The only other cost is the PayPal transaction and processing fee of 2.9% + $0.55 per sale. There are NO others fees involved in becoming a vendor or selling on Sharket Market.

We work with just about every type of vendor. We accept all kinds of products from handmade items, to virtual services, to downloadables, to stuff you just have sitting around your house that you’re ready to part ways with. And for those working with direct sales or network marketing companies that don’t allow sales on third-party sites, we have a way to list your company too! You can become a vendor and purchase an affiliate link that will show up just like other products, except that when a customer clicks “add to cart” they will be redirected to your company’s ordering page. For more information, go to www.sharketmarket.com/product/affiliate-link.

There is space for everyone on Sharket Market. If you don’t fall into one of our specific categories, we’re still here to support you! You can register to become a vendor and simply mark your products as “General Home Business.” If you’re not sure if your product would work on the site, just shoot us an email at mama.llama@sharketmarket.com!

One of our most recent changes is the addition of the “Young Entrepreneur” category. It’s so hard for young people with entrepreneurial spirits to find a place to market their work. Now kids and teens can become vendors too! All they need is their parents’ permission and a parent’s PayPal account.

We’ve been working hard as a family over the last few months to launch Sharket Market. There have been long nights, frustrating days, and so. many. bugs to kill. We finally got the site running smooth enough to begin registering vendors on Black Friday and made our first profit that day by selling an affiliate link.

But TODAY we made our very first commission!

Today we all did a happy dance and celebrated with chocolate because we made our very first $0.80 commission on Sharket Market! That means our site is REALLY WORKING the way its supposed to - and that's worth a family celebration! Woohooo!

Congratulations to the Blue Jay Boutique on being our first vendor to sell a product through SharketMarket.com! Go to www.sharketmarket.com/store/bluejay to see their wide selection of quality candles, including holiday scents to bring you Christmas cheer!

Want to know more about Sharket Market? Head over to www.sharketmarket.com/faqs to find the answers to our most frequently asked questions. Then check out the rest of the site! If you want to become a vendor go to www.sharketmarket.com/vendor-registration to start setting up your shop. Or, browse our products and share with your friends!

Share Support. Surf the Market.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

When International Adoption is a Waste of Money

A little over a year ago we took our first trip to Bulgaria. Upon returning home, I wrote the following post. I didn’t end up publishing it at the time because I didn’t feel like I had found the right words. Those “right words” never came. I’m sharing anyway.

 ~~~

“People who say that international adoption is an unwise use of God’s money just don’t know.” 

I listened to my friend, the mother of two internationally adopted children, and I nodded my head in agreement. I thought I knew what she meant. I have been so frustrated throughout our adoption process to hear people say that international adoption is poor stewardship of God’s money. That we really should be adopting through foster care because it’s free. Or that we should be using our money to support Gospel preachers instead. Leave it to the orphanages to care for the kids.

I know these comments are made with the best of intentions, but most of these comments are also made in ignorance. People tell us, “Your money is better spent supporting orphan homes where they can care for many children.” These good-hearted people have no idea of the damage caused by growing up in an institution – even a “Good” one. They can’t possibly know. Surely they don’t understand. If they did, they would never say such a thing. Never.

I thought I understood.

When my adoptive friends relayed to me the things they saw in orphanages overseas, I cried with them. When they told me of little babies who lie in cribs staring up at the ceiling for hours without making a sound, I got chills. When they described how the children are lined up and force-fed a liquid diet no matter their age, and the bruises they acquire simply due to malnutrition, I was angry. How could anyone hear of children living in these conditions and not know that it is worth every penny it takes to get them into a safe, loving home?

But I didn’t understand the half of it. And in truth, I still don’t.

I thought I was prepared to walk into the orphanage where our daughter has lived since she was born. They tried to warn us. They told us that our daughter’s Center is one of the better ones, but that it would still not be “Good.” I had read and researched and talked to other adoptive parents. I thought I was ready. It wasn’t as if I have never been outside the U.S. I’ve been to third world countries, and I didn’t think this could be much worse than what I had previously seen. But I underestimated what it would be like to walk into that building for the first time, knowing this is where my little girl has been raised.

When we first arrived, a nurse unlocked the front door and led us into a dark, musty corridor. There were no lights. Concrete walls and floors surrounded us like a prison cell. We could hear the screams of a baby coming from somewhere on the second floor. The unheeded cries echoed throughout the building; the only sound to break the eerie silence.  

We waited with our translator while the nurse went to get the Doctor who was on call in the Director’s absence. Down the hall, a baby was swinging – the only other person in sight. It was as if the orphanage was nearly abandoned. Yet, we later learned that there were children in every room lining those halls. Children who never made a sound.

The Doctor greeted us warmly and led us into her office where we met with her and the Psychologist. They told us as much as they could about our little girl’s history and personality. They were helpful, caring, and as open as they were permitted to be. Little Miss was obviously a favorite, and they were more than happy to answer most of our questions.

During this conversation we met Little Miss for the first time. She was wheeled into the room, and the next few moments were a mix of joyful tears and nervous giggles. To read more about our first visits with her, click here.

Over the course of the week, we got to see a good bit of our daughter’s environment. She lives on the second floor with the young babies because of her limited mobility. There are eight children in her ward, and she is the oldest by far. This has pros and cons. She rarely interacts with any children, and she doesn’t know what to make of creatures her own size. She also doesn’t know how to play with age appropriate toys, or how to get attention without babbling like a nine month old (though she is perfectly capable of communicating on an older level).

The pros are that, because she does have more communication skills than the babies, the nurses talk to her more frequently and give her more individual attention than she would probably receive in the ward with children her own age. The nurses love the fact that she can sing along with them, and they all get a kick out of her dance moves. As a result, she interacts with adults really well and makes great eye contact. She is particularly attached to one nurse who even our translator commented was one of the best orphanage caregivers she’s ever seen. That is huge!

Children raised in orphanages are often neglected not necessarily from a lack of concern but more often due to a lack of resources and a lack of education on developmental needs. These things were obviously lacking in our daughter’s orphanage, but the staff was doing the best they knew how. The meals at this orphanage are varied in texture and content, the children are fed slowly with bottles or spoons (depending on the age of the child), and the Doctor and nurses pay decently close attention to the nutritional value of the food they provide. Our daughter is definitely in one of the better orphanages. I am extremely grateful that she has been given such advantages and that she ended up in an orphanage with a very special caregiver. The Lord has been mindful of our little girl.

And yet.

It’s hard to describe the haunting realities of what we saw. The orphanage is dark, sterile, and bare. Broken glass covers the playground. But that doesn’t matter because the children rarely go outside. Bedrooms about the size of a small walk-in closet line the halls, two cribs to a room. The babies sit or lie in these cribs until they are taken out, on schedule, to be fed or changed. There is silence in the ward, except for the rare cry of a baby who has not yet learned that his cries gain him nothing. Most of the babies do not respond if you try to engage them. They only stare at you with hollow, expressionless eyes.

One constant thought swirled in my head.

We must get her out of here!

But who will come for the others?

No one who sees a place like that can possibly believe that any amount of money used to get even one child out is a waste. Surely, they cannot.

And what I saw is not the half. I don’t know the half. I only know stories.

The stories of the family who traveled to meet their daughter, held her in their arms, and committed to bringing her home, but never got that chance. Just months before they were due to pick her up, their daughter starved to death under the care of “doctors” who were feeding her a very “special” diet. Their daughter was seven years old. She weighed nine pounds.

The stories of the family who adopted a little boy with almost exactly the same condition as our daughter. Except he was in a much worse orphanage. His body was covered in scars and sores. He was the same age as Little Miss, but he had no language and very little communication skills. He was caged in his crib for days. He was the subject of medical experimentation and abuse.

The stories of the little boy who kicked and screamed in fear when his new parents took him outside because he had never felt the sun on his face.

The stories of malnutrition, sexual abuse, and emotional trauma.

Stories that are more the reality than the rarity.

I’m not sure exactly what this post is about. Mostly, I think I’m still processing. It’s hard to put into words what it was like to visit Little Miss. Some of it doesn’t sound so bad as I go back and read what I’ve written. That’s only because I’m incapable of finding words to accurately describe the living conditions of these kids. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Sure, I’ve been to third world countries. I’ve seen devastating poverty. But in all those places I’ve been before, I also saw the love of family. Walking into an orphanage where these children have no one to count on but themselves… It was a different level of heartbreak.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a huge supporter of adoption, whether domestic or international. This is not a post about how everyone ought to adopt internationally. Children in foster care face some of the same harsh realities as do children in orphanages. This has nothing to do with “adopt this way, not that.” This is a plea from my heart to yours. Don’t tell me that international adoption is a waste of God’s money. When you say that, I hear a forgotten baby’s cries echoing down the hall. I see the prison cells that serve as bedrooms. I see the face of a mama whose daughter starved to death.

And I have to believe.

You just don’t know.

Dear Friend Who Can't Adopt,

There are so many of you. You’re the ones who were most ecstatic when we announced our adoption. You were some of the first to give when we mentioned our financial need. You are the ones who have offered the most consistent support throughout our adoption journey.

You’ve shared your stories with me. I know how your heart aches to be able to provide a home for a child in need. I know how it stings when you hear people say that there would be no more orphans in the world if only every Christian would adopt. I know that the pang in your heart is not the result of a “someday” wish, but the shattered pieces of a lost dream. I know you feel the judgment of sideways glances from adoptive parents who wonder, Why aren’t you doing your part? You wish you could tell them how hard you’ve tried. But, instead of constantly trying to defend yourself, you humbly carry on the fight, knowing that what you’re doing has eternal value.

It’s not that you don’t want to open yourself up to the complications and heartache that adoption brings. It’s not that you simply think that, “Someday it would be nice, but I’m too busy right now.” It’s not because you don’t feel the burden of every child in need of a loving family. You aren’t adopting because… You can’t. You wish you could. You’ve tried. You’ve pounded on doors, you’ve fought the system, you’ve jumped through hoops; yet, for whatever reason, you were denied permission to adopt. 

Still, you don’t give up. There is a fire in your heart to do anything possible to care for orphans. You will not yield. God has given Christians a mission to care for the fatherless, and you continue to march to that order. You can’t adopt, so you are determined to help those who can.

Some of the biggest supporters in our adoption are those who have previously tried to adopt but were not allowed to do so. You know how important this is, and you know the stakes. Adoption was not an idle dream to you. You invested time, money, and your whole heart into trying to bring a child home. Some of you were told that you already had too many children. Others of you were told that your methods of godly discipline were unacceptable, or that you didn’t make enough money, or that your house wasn’t large enough. Some of you went through the unbearable experience of being matched with a child only to have the adoption fall through. 

Whatever your experience, you’ve been through enough to know that adoption is HARD. And you know that there usually isn’t a whole lot of tangible support, even from other adoptive parents. You know this because you’ve gotten the message from them, too. If you aren’t adopting a child *their* way, you’re not caring for the fatherless the “right” way. But you know that’s not what God says. You know that just because you are not able to adopt doesn’t mean that you can’t help give a child a home. So, you tirelessly offer your encouragement, your financial resources, your time, your earthly goods, your wisdom, your love, your everything to support families who are in the process of adoption. Your hope remains that, one day, God will make a way for you to parent a child who desperately needs to know the love of a Christian home. But, for now, you see those who are able to provide those children homes, and you give your all to help them.

You are an invaluable part of this journey.

You have meant so much to us over the last three years. In the days when it looked like our adoption would fall through due to lack of finances, you gave. When it looked like every door was being closed because our agency shut down, you helped us find a new direction. When we desperately tried to be matched with a child and were denied permission because of a certain agency’s unbiblical worldview, you were there to listen, to cry, and to empathize. When we were finally matched with our daughter, you were there to rejoice with us. You’ve shared our fundraisers, you’ve donated items, you’ve cooked us meals, you’ve helped us research, and, most importantly, you’ve diligently prayed for us. Without you, this would have been a very lonely road. You have been a shining example of God’s heart for the orphaned, and the impact of your love for others reaches far beyond anything you can see. We are forever in your debt.

Thank you, precious friend, for caring for the fatherless. Thank you for pouring out your hearts for us. Thank you for helping to provide a home for our daughter. Your sacrifices are not overlooked. May God richly bless you for fulfilling James 1:27.

Love,

Brittany

Photo Credit: Painting by Tianay Lewis

How God Provided a Home for Little Miss

Big news, y’all!

Today we hit our fundraising goal! I was doing some calculations this morning and estimated that we needed about $200 more to pay for our travel expenses to pick up Little Miss. About an hour later Joshua came in with the mail and, lo and behold, there was a card from a dear family member with a check for $200! What a marvelous blessing!

Our adoption is now fully funded (assuming costs for lodging and airfare don’t skyrocket in the next couple of weeks) and we will soon book flights to go pick up our daughter! I know there are lots of you out there who are in the process of fundraising, or who are looking at the cost of adoption and wondering how in the world anyone could ever afford it. I want to share some of the ways we raised funds and encourage you that God is able to provide far more abundantly than you can imagine!

At the beginning of our adoption, we estimated that it could cost up to $40,000. We thought at the time that we were way overestimating, but it turns out this figure was pretty accurate. There were several factors that made our adoption more expensive than most, so don’t let that number overwhelm you too much if you’re considering adoption.

1)     We chose to adopt internationally. Private domestic adoption, while also expensive, does not usually cost this much. There is also the option of foster to adopt which, in most states, is low to no cost. Our family chose international adoption. (Click HERE for some of our reasons for choosing this route). If the cost of international adoption is prohibitive, don’t let it stop you from checking out other paths toward adoption!

2)      We are already a family of 5. This means that we had to have medical exams done for all of 5 of us several times throughout the process (which came out of pocket due to our insurance situation – a total of about $3,180). We also made the decision to take all three of our biological children with us on both the bonding and the pickup trip, which meant we had to spend a good chunk of change getting passports, airfare, lodging, and food. Yes, it was expensive, but this was one of the best decisions we made. Hopefully I’ll have a chance to write a post on that in the future. If Joshua and I had traveled without the kids we probably could have done it for half the cost.

3)      We went through several country changes before we were matched with our daughter. We started out adopting from Uganda, but when that program shut down we switched to Ethiopia. Then our agency in Ethiopia was forced to close and we switched to another agency that works in Ethiopia. Shortly after, our agency asked if we were interested in a little girl in their Bulgarian Waiting Child program, and we said YES! All of these changes involved transfer fees and home study updates which drove the cost up. If we had been able to stay in Uganda I’m estimating we probably could have saved at least a couple thousand dollars. But, God had other plans! (Incidentally, most adoptions do not take this long, so don’t let our three year process deter you, either. These closures and country changes made the process take much longer than we anticipated, but it also gave us time to get the needed funds together without going into debt).

4)      We had a couple of major life changes which required several home study updates. We gave birth to our third child in 2015, and we moved states in 2016. Both were great blessings, but they did require updates to both our home study and our immigration approval. Probably around $2,300 worth of update fees.

If we didn’t have three biological kiddos we insisted on keeping with us, if we had been able to stay with our original country of choice, if we had better insurance, and if we had not had two major life changes, we could have saved over $10,000. As it happens, we do have three children we insist on keeping with us, we were blessed with two wonderful life changes, our insurance stinks, and (as international adoption often goes) we did go through several difficult changes in the adoption process. Waste of money? Bad stewardship? God’s Providence? Another topic for another time.

The current question is: “How did you come up with that amount of money??!!”

The only answer is, God provided.

We are not wealthy by the world’s standard. We are a normal family of 5 living on a single income. We make $40,820 which, according to USCIS immigration guidelines, puts us barely at that 125% above poverty level that they require for international adoption (their definition of poverty level is really not even CLOSE to true poverty, but again, another topic for another time). We have a commitment to doing whatever we can to live completely debt-free, so we’ve gone to God in prayer constantly about this and asked that He provide ways of helping us complete our adoption without getting a loan. And He has answered that prayer in big ways.

God provided every little bit of money we needed at every little step of the way. At times it looked like it would be impossible. We started over basically from scratch a couple times, and it was frustrating and all kinds of discouraging. But He never failed us. He gave us exactly what we needed for exactly the step we were on, sometimes (like today) right down to the dollar. And He usually did it through the love and compassion of His people. Here’s a brief breakdown of the ways He provided for our adoption…

·         God blessed us with opportunities to save money. We started our adoption in 2014 with $9,700 in savings. To be honest, I’m not really sure where that money came from. We had been living for the first two and a half years of our marriage on anywhere from $1600-$1800 a month. We were pretty broke and didn’t have any extra to save month to month. During that time, however, we were blessed with two babies 11 months apart, so the Child Credit really helped our tax return for a couple of years. We put that money into a separate bank account and kind of forgot about it. Then in December 2013 we changed jobs and our income increased significantly, but we still lived like we were making $1800 a month for awhile so that we were able to put the extra almost completely into our adoption fund. Our savings funded our original home study and initial program fees.

·         God provided through adoption grants. We applied to every grant for which we were qualified. We received grants from Show Hope, The JSC Foundation, The Rollstone Foundation, Global Orphan Foundation, and our placement agency. We were blessed with a total of $16,300 in grants.

·         God put exceptionally generous people in our lives. We started a YouCaring site, wrote a support raising letter, posted about our funding goal on Facebook, and talked to friends and family in person about our adoption. Money poured in from good friends, family, long lost friends, distant relatives, friends of friends, strangers, and our church families. We met some extremely generous people during this journey, including people who barely knew us – or didn’t know us – but who heard that we were trying to bring a little girl home and wanted to help (like the little boy who told me to "Keep the change"). We were blessed with over $5,600 in straight cash donations.

·         God put compassionate people in our lives. There were times when people found out that we were adopting and cut us great deals on things. A Christian acquaintance sold us a van for $1,000 when he heard that we needed to upgrade to a bigger vehicle because we were adopting. One particular doctor was very generous in cutting her usual fee for physicals to help us out. A friend who is a notary went all kinds of places with us to sign paperwork and didn’t charge a dime. People have donated meals, clothes, beds, items for our fundraisers, and much more to help us prepare for the adoption. These have been huge blessings that made the adoption much more affordable!

·         God gave us friends who got involved. Over the last three years we have been blessed with a ton of friends who helped make these fundraisers happen:

-          Spaghetti Dinner and Auction 2014 - $878

-          Bake Sale - $128

-          Bowling Night - $202

-          31 Bags Fundraiser - $72

-          Craft Sale - $215 (This was an ongoing effort. Sometimes I set up tables at events, sometimes I sold on Facebook, and sometimes I had a bit of luck on Etsy)

-          Aluminum Can Drive - $5 (Can’t wait to tell you more about this funny adventure!)

-          “Always Room for More” - $100 (Joshua’s cousin painted a gorgeous painting and donated it to help us raise funds)

-          Just Love Coffee - $0 (A company that donates a portion of the proceeds from the coffee you sell. We didn’t have any luck with this one, but you might!)

-          Krispy Kreme Doughnuts - $55 (Hahaaaa! Click Here for the tale of that unforgettable day!)

-          Spaghetti Dinner and Auction 2015 - $771

-          Garage Sale - $265

-          T-Shirt Sales - $150

-          Usborne Cards for a Cause - $208

-          Steel Artwork donated by a friend - $106

-          Ebay Sales - $172

Through fundraisers we raised a total of about $3,353

In three years God has blessed us with over $25,245 in funds raised, not including all of the discounts and extras that people have provided. The rest of the $40,000 came from the original $9,700 of savings, frugal living, and the draining of our small retirement, stocks, and mutual funds.

And that’s the story of how God provided the funds needed to give Little Miss a home!

Thank you to everyone who gave from their hearts and put love into action to help us get our little girl home. Without your generosity, I don’t know what we would have done! One little girl has a safe forever family because of YOUR willingness to show the heart of God and GIVE. Your prayers and support have been invaluable. Thank you for your love and for your heart for the fatherless.

*For tips on ways to save money to help with your adoption, click HERE

Meeting Little Miss

I’ve wanted to write an update ever since we got back from our trip to meet Little Miss over two months ago. Between jetlag, unpacking from our move, scrambling to get documents together for the next step, and finding out that I’m pregnant (YAY!!!), I haven’t had much time to put words together in coherent sentences. More than that, I haven’t had much time to really process what we experienced thoroughly enough to share. I’m still processing, but I know lots of people are eager to hear about our little girl, so I want to at least give a quick update.

Travel to and from Bulgaria was smooth and the flights were uneventful. We arrived in country on a Saturday and we were blessed to be able to worship with the church in Sofia on Sunday – They send their greetings and blessings to the church in the U.S.!

We rented a car in Sofia and on Monday we drove the three hours to the town where our girl currently resides. It was Joshua’s first time driving in a foreign country and he did an admirable job, especially since it was a day or two before we figured out how to get the international maps on our GPS to work! After we finally got that figured out, it was pretty easy to find our way around. They drive on the same side of the road as we do, so that made it much more simple.

Chicken, mashed potatoes, and dill pickles in white sauce

Our three little boys did awesome the whole time. They were cheerful even after 27 hours of traveling, they were adventurous about trying new foods, they had the hotel staff wrapped around their fingers, and they even learned a little Bulgarian. I definitely recommend taking your bio kids with you on both trips if at all possible! Yes, it was more expensive. Yes, it was more exhausting. But having them experience our daughter’s homeland, letting them see and understand where she is coming from, having them there to help break the ice, and allowing Little Miss to interact with her brothers in her own environment before throwing her into theirs was absolutely priceless. Keeping the boys close to us through this whole process has helped them prepare for the transition without feeling lost in the craziness. I think a lot of times in the adoption world we are so focused on doing everything we can to help the adopted child feel secure and attached that we forget that our biological children need that same security. I am so glad we took them!

Thanks to blessings from generous friends, my mom was able to travel with us. She was absolutely invaluable. She stayed with the boys at the hotel during our visits with Little Miss until they were allowed to meet her. She was also a useful source of information; she had done lots of reading about what foods we should try and what sights we should see in the little bit of time we had to explore. We are so thankful for Mom, and for the generous donors who paid for her to join us!

We stayed in a hotel in Town ‘X’ for five days. Each morning Joshua and I met up with our translator and headed to the orphanage to visit Little Miss. We were allowed two hours with her in the morning and two hours with her in the afternoon.

On our first visit we met with some of the staff before meeting Little Miss. They gave us important information about her condition and about her personality. Partway through our conversation I glanced out the doorway and saw two little feet poking around the corner. In a breathtaking moment, our little girl was pushed into the room in her stroller, her thick, dark hair framing her sweet face. There she was, all smiles and giggles. Seeing her for the first time was surreal. Had we really, finally, gotten to this point? After all the years of waiting and praying and fighting for her? Were we really meeting our daughter?

Joshua got to hold her first (stinker!). She was hesitant and sat very stiffly. It wasn’t until she discovered a sticker on Joshua’s shirt that our oldest had stuck on earlier that morning that she started to relax. She loves stickers. She made great eye contact, showed concern when her favorite staff member left the room, and was cautiously interested in interacting with us – all very good signs. She has the best little giggly girl laugh and scrunches up her nose when she smiles. She loves all things pretty and her nurses described her as being very much a girly girl. She also loves all kinds of music, dancing, and singing. She’ll fit right in around here!

We spent most of our visits outside at the playground swinging or taking walks around the grounds. She very much enjoyed the attention and the extra opportunities to be outside. On days when the weather was bad, we played in a room off to the side of her ward. Playing inside gave us a great chance to see how mobile she is. Her ability to move around is impressive! She has myelomeningocele (“severe spina bifida”) and is paralyzed from the waist down, but she is stubbornly determined to get herself wherever she wants to go. It was encouraging to see how well she has adapted and how creative she is at coming up with ways to overcome challenges.

A Flower from a Brother to His Sister

The boys and Mom all got to meet Little Miss briefly Tuesday afternoon, but she was sick that day and extremely fussy, so they didn’t stay long. Their first introduction was a bit chaotic and not the best, but the boys were happy to finally meet their sister and Mom was thrilled to meet her first granddaughter. On the following visits, we took one boy at a time to play with her, and that went really well. Our oldest taught her how to blow bubbles, our middle son doted on her (he’s our most nurturing child), and Little Miss and our youngest boy had a blast mimicking each other’s every sound. We all got to go as a family to see her Friday morning for our very last visit. It was so good to be together as a whole family laughing, playing, and singing. Even the Stomach Bug was present, though we didn’t know it at the time :).

We flew out early Saturday morning. We were boarding our plane and Joshua tapped his wedding ring against a pole, a sound Little Miss had found fascinating during our visits, and it finally hit me that we were leaving our daughter behind for an unknown length of time. How do you walk away from your child and leave her halfway around the world? It’s a stupid system. There’s got to be a better way of getting these kids into homes more quickly and less traumatically. Law requires that we meet the child we intend to adopt in person before officially accepting the match. It’s supposed to ensure that parents really know what they’re getting themselves into and that they are serious about accepting this child into their family for life. But all Little Miss knows is that she was told that this man and lady who came to see her every day for a week are going to be her new Mama and Papa; and her new Mama and Papa left her. Can we get more traumatic for a child who has already suffered so much loss??

But what can you do? It’s sure better than leaving her in an institution for the rest of her life. So, you work with the broken system and hope and pray that God provides healing for the wounds created by people who have no idea what they are doing to these kids. And you pray for a better system.

Now that we are home, we wait for a few more pieces of paper to be signed. Because of our move, we had to update our home study, and that has caused a delay in our i-800 approval. But, as soon as we get our immigration approval (Any day now?? Miscommunication within USCIS has caused more delays…), we can get Article 5 signed and then they will set a court date for making Little Miss legally ours!! At that point we will be able to share more information and PICTURES!!!

We are still doing a little bit of fundraising to finish paying for our adoption. We currently need $750 to pay the balance of our new home study fee, and then all we have left to pay is travel expenses for Trip Two! If you would like to make a donation online, you can go to www.youcaring.com/awalkhome.

I am still in awe of how God has provided for every step of the way and how, through you, our dear friends, He has made it possible to fund an adoption that seemed so far out of reach just three years ago. Your donations mean the world to us, and we can’t wait to share the news that the little girl you helped bring home is safe in our arms!

Please continue to pray for us; for patience, for peace, and especially that we can finish the process as quickly as possible and bring our baby HOME!

Why Is International Adoption SO Expensive? (Part 2)

In my previous post I broke down the fees that we have paid for our adoption so far ($14,755). That’s a lot less than $40,000 (the estimated total for our adoption). So, where is the rest of the money going?

            Our next step is a home study update in December. Our home study has to be updated by our in-state agency yearly until we receive a referral. The fee for the actual update is $1,000. To have our home study updated, though, we also have to have medicals done again (blech!). We recently switched pediatricians and when our new doctor heard that we were getting physicals done for an adoption, she graciously gave us a huge discount on the children’s exams. She normally charges $200 per new patient, but she only charged us $135 for all three of our children! Such a blessing! Joshua and I still have to get physicals done (with more lab work) and I’m not sure how much that will cost yet, but it could be another $900 if it’s close to what it was last time.

Why Is International Adoption SO Expensive? (Part 1)

We regularly receive two questions about our adoption. The most common question is, “Why Ethiopia?” (check out Why NOT Ethiopia? to read my response). The second most common question we get is, “Why does international adoption cost SO much?” It’s alright. You don’t have to hide your shock when I tell you that our adoption is going to cost roughly $40,000. When we first added everything up, the figure shocked me, too.

            We get some interesting reactions when we disclose the estimated total of our adoption, such as, “Isn’t that just a rip off?” “That’s just child trafficking!” and, “You know, you could spend that money better by [insert a thousand other ways we could spend a huge amount of money].” We also hear a lot from people who would genuinely love to adopt internationally but are afraid of becoming part of some racket. Hopefully, the following will help relieve some of those concerns.

Fundraising Flops

            Fundraising has been a necessary part of our adoption journey. We have been extremely blessed by the generosity of others, and the amount of money raised at some of our fundraising events has floored us. But every now and then we have an idea that completely flops. One such idea was selling Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

We had been talking for a couple of weeks about doing a Krispy Kreme fundraiser. You can buy a dozen doughnuts for $3.75 and sell it at their suggested price of $8, thus making a $4.25 profit. To participate, you have to buy a minimum of 25 dozen. We had a coupon for 20 gift certificates if we bought a minimum of 100 dozen doughnuts, and even though t

hat was lot of doughnuts, we would only have to sell 44 boxes to break even. No big deal, surely. Saturday was going to be Sweetest Day and we decided that would be the perfect opportunity for a doughnut fundraiser.

We contacted the store where we had done our bake sale last year and asked if we could do another fundraiser. They said sure. We knew we were taking a risk (100 dozen doughnuts is not cheap) but they’re doughnuts! Everybody loves doughnuts! And it was Sweetest Day! People were going to be looking for sweet stuff anyway. AND we have two completely adorable little boys! Who could refuse when a three year old comes up and says, “Would you like to buy some dough-uts?” Well…. Apparently…. My kid is not as cute as I think he is ;) That in addition to a few other problems made this the most hilariously disastrous fundraiser we’ve done yet.

Love Fights!

Hello everybody! I wanted to let you know about an adoption fundraiser that our friends over at Kentucky Brewed Tees are hosting for us. They have designed an awesome t-shirt to help raise money for our adoption and awareness for orphans everywhere. Check it out!

Isn't that a cool shirt?! It captures so much of why we are pursuing adoption. Love doesn't just sit back and talk. Love steps up and fights to defend the helpless. It really is a battle against Satan sometimes. But it's what the Father calls us to do. We are so thankful that Ben and Emilee and their team have chosen to donate their time and talent to helping us fight for and defend our little one.

Grab your shirt HERE and the proceeds will be donated to our adoption! And don't forget to share the link and spread the word!