2018 End of Year Mortgage Payoff Report

Whew, last year did not go as planned in the financial realm. Does it ever?

Our Mortgage Payoff plan got majorly derailed in July when medical emergencies began with a broken leg and continued every couple of months for the rest of the year. Insurance got way messed up and we ended up owing more than we were originally told. We did not get off to a great start in paying down our loan, but God blessed us with the money we needed to get through the year and even a good bit extra for the mortgage these last two months.

Paying off our house as quickly as possible is a big deal to us because it largely impacts our ability to stay in this area long term. The sooner we can cut our expenses, the less secular work my husband will have to do to support our ministry here, and the more time he will have to do the work of an evangelist. The final payment is a distant dream right now, but we believe it will be worth the years of penny pinching to be able to focus more on full-time work for the Church.

Here’s our End of Year Report, for my own records and accountability.

Starting Loan Amount in May 2018: $126,300

Ending Loan Amount in December 2018: $120,120.79

Originally Payoff Date: May 6, 2048 (30 Year Loan)

Current Payoff Date: February 6, 2046 (If all we did was regular payments from here on out)

Goal Payoff Date: May 6, 2025 (7 Year Loan)

Extra payments in 2018 totaled $4,735.90, shortening our loan by 27 months and reducing our interest by $13,110.57.

That’s the part I want to encourage you with. By paying less than $5,000 extra on our loan this year, we saved over $13k in interest! Our income is around $50,000, and we don’t live like paupers. A good chunk of that came from our tax return, but a lot of it was just money we kept ourselves from spending on whims and wishes.

As we all get ready for tax season, I want to challenge you to play with your numbers and see how much of your refund you might be able to put toward your house this year. Plug the numbers into the Payoff Track app and see how much even just one extra house payment will save you. It really is incredible!

While we’re not as far ahead as we had hoped to be, we’re chugging along. There were four months this year when we had zero extra to pay. In fact, in June we got ourselves into credit card debt for the first time. After we got back on top of that, we didn’t have quite as much to put toward the house as we had wanted each month, but seeing that we’ve already knocked two years off our loan is great motivation to get back on track this year.

Preparing Our Daughters for a Culture of Porn

When I was a teenager (not so very long ago), the epidemic of Internet pornography was just beginning to be recognized. By the time I got married, most of my peers knew that the majority of guys our age had a problem with porn. We might not have understood the impact it would have on our future marriages, but we were somewhat prepared for the likelihood of marrying a man with a history of porn use.

Our parents were not as aware of the problem. They didn’t understand how easily erotic material could be accessed, or how quickly curiosity leads to addiction. Studies were not yet out on the addictive nature of porn or the compounding issue of screen addiction. We didn’t have the science on how early exposure traumatizes the brain and damages emotional development. Often times, the first conversation parents had with their boys about pornography took place only after they discovered inappropriate material on their computers.

It wasn’t that parents were neglectful. They just didn’t know. With all the education out there today, I see Christian parents being proactive; taking precautions like installing filtering software, becoming more tech savvy so they are aware of danger zones, and beginning the conversation with their boys from a very young age. I hear more talk about how to end porn addiction, and more discussions on preparing our daughters to address the issue of pornography in relationships before committing themselves to a man for life. That is wonderful!

But while we are busy protecting our boys, Satan is busy at work. In our zeal to protect the hearts and minds of our young men, let’s not overlook a rapidly growing issue among our youth: Female porn addiction.

Mortgage Payoff Tracker: DIY Roof

Time for a Mortgage Payoff Update!

In May we sent in our first mortgage payment. We were able to bump that payment up to $4,225.30 due to some unexpected Blessing Money that month. (Yes, all of our income is "blessing money," that's just how we refer to the extra, unexpected cash that shows up). Some of it came from the washer and dryer money the seller gave us at closing. $1000 of it came from our rental deposit that we received that month. Some of it was money we’d saved by bargaining for a used lawn mower off of Craigslist. And $500 of it came out of nowhere when the State of Wisconsin randomly decided to give everyone a $100 tax rebate PER CHILD! Sometimes life is random and you get to reap the blessings. That first payment shortened our mortgage by 21 months and saved us $10,109.36 in interest!

In June we didn’t have any unexpected money to add to the loan. We wrote our second principle check for $1358.07 – our usual payment of $649.36 plus the $708.71 we’ve budgeted to pay toward the house every month (a somewhat random number we came up with and forced our budget to accept, ha). This second payment reduced our interest by $1,866.83 and shortened our loan by 4 months. Yay!

This month will be the first check to go in as a minimum payment. We decided to use the extra money we would normally put toward the loan to enjoy a three day getaway to celebrate our 7^th anniversary instead. It was WELL worth it! This was our first time to go anywhere overnight without any of the children (except for the wee one we’re expecting in February!), and really our first time to do much of anything to celebrate our anniversary. 

My mom and sister came up to watch the Five Little Monkeys, and they all did great! Joshua and I stayed at a Bed and Breakfast, went kayaking, enjoyed a little hiking, ate great food, listened to the orchestra in the park, and tried our hand at painting for the first time. We went to one of those “paint your own canvas” places where you try to copy what a real artist has painted, with a tiny bit of instruction from the staff. We did a canvas of the Stillwater Bridge together. It was hilarious, as neither of us has ever painted before, and we were both trying to tell the other how it’s done. The end result won’t make is famous, but it is a fun memento of an awesome trip! We’re going to have to make child-free vacations more of a habit, now that I know my babies can survive without me for a few days ;) 

While we don’t have any extra money going toward the loan this month, we do have a “Buy Smart” win to report. Early mortgage payoff doesn’t always mean paying extra on the loan. Sometimes it just means staying out of other debt so that you’re free to pay on the loan with any Blessing Money you have in the future.

We knew when we bought the house that it needed a new roof. We decided we wanted metal roofing because, while it costs about twice the price of shingles, it can last up to three times as long. Since we plan on being here a long time, we decided it was worth the extra money to (hopefully) not have to replace our roof again for at least 30 years.

We got two estimates on the roof in May. Both came out to roughly $10,500 for a new metal roof over a single layer of existing shingles. Ouch! It so happened that Joshua’s parents were visiting at the time. Joshua’s dad can do pretty well any project he sets out to accomplish, so when he suggested that he could get us started doing the roof ourselves for half the price, we took him up on the offer. Our roof is very basic, with only one gable. It doesn’t have a very steep grade, and didn’t need the shingles removed before installing the metal, so we were fairly confident in their ability to get the job done. As long as David could get Joshua passed the gable before he had to head home, Joshua could figure out how to finish the rest.

Odds seemed stacked against them (lots of rain, errors in orders, and an unexpected hospital stay delayed things considerably), but with lots of help from several friends they got ALMOST to the point they wanted to be at before David left. Thankfully, Joshua has inherited quite a bit of his dad’s “can do anything” spirit, and he’s been able to figure things out as he goes along. It’s not quite finished, but one more full day of work should have it completed. And don’t you love that shiny blue?!

A huge thank-you to David and the many dear friends who have loaned us tools, advice, and free labor. We definitely could not have done this without you! It’s been a great learning experience and, all in all, has gone pretty smoothly. I even got up there a couple times and did some work (I slowed the process more than helped but hey, it was fun). And only one person has fallen off the roof so far. Turns out you really shouldn't work on top of a metal roof in the rain.... Go figure... (Don’t worry, David is just a little sore. Still wish I’d gotten his impressive landing on video ;)).

Estimate for a new metal roof: $10,476

Total cost of our DIY metal roof: $4,817 (this included the cost of several basic tools like a

second drill and a ladder)

Total savings: $5,659

Paying the difference into the loan wasn’t possible this time, but we sure are thankful for the savings!

Payment Summary:

First Principle Payment: $4,225.30

Interest Saved: $10,109.36

Loan Shortened By: 21 Months!

Second Principle Payment: $1358.07

Interest Saved: $1866.83

Loan Shortened By: 4 Months

Third Principle Payment: $649.36

Interest Saved: $0

Loan Shortened By: 0 Months

Happily Ever After: The Never Ending Story

It's been quite some time since I posted in this series, but I received a story this week that had me in tears and I requested permission to share it with you today. 

It is possible for a man to quit pornography and never once return. Unfortunately, that is more the exception than the rule. So what happens when your husband continues to give into temptation, year after year after year? What do you do when he repeatedly breaks your heart? Is there a point when you finally just give up on your marriage?

This is Michelle's story (very slightly edited for clarity). I hope it gives you the courage to hold onto your marriage, no matter what.

Get Out of Debt: Pray. Buy Smart. Pay the Difference.

You may have heard the motto, “Buy used and save the difference.” It’s simple advice. Whenever possible, avoid buying brand new items and instead put the difference between the used and the retail price into the bank.

You need a lawn mower. Mid-range retail price is $300 for a push mower. You pick up a good used mower at a yard sale for $80. You have a difference of $220 in your pocket. Yay! Now, the hard part. Instead of using that extra money to splurge on 15 pounds of dark chocolate (What? Don’t judge me), you stick that chunk of change into your savings account.

Since we have a specific goal of paying off our loan early, we’ve tweaked this motto slightly to fit our situation: “Pray. Buy smart. Pay the difference.” As much as possible, everything we save by buying used or discounted will go toward our loan.

Our first opportunity to live by this motto came by mistake. When we did our final walk-through (the night before we were supposed to close on the house), we noticed one glaring problem: The washer and dryer were gone! The seller had agreed to include all appliances with the purchase of the house, and I was super excited about the high capacity washer in the laundry room. We’d been using a compact set in our rental and I was always behind on laundry (especially during puking marathons… *shudder*). So the prospect of a giant machine that could actually wash a whole laundry hamper’s worth of clothes was thrilling.

Alas, no one knew where the promised set had disappeared to, so the seller agreed to give us money to buy another. Our realtor and the seller did some quick research and found that the cost of a brand new, comparable set would cost roughly $1600. At closing the next morning, the seller cut us a check for that amount.

As we gazed over a sea of shiny washing machines in the middle of Menards it was oh, so tempting to fork over that entire sum for the benefit of having a brand new set.

“The seller is paying for it,” we reasoned.

“We’ll probably never have a chance to buy a brand new, matching set again.”

“Plus, we’re supposed to be moving in next week. We don’t have time to scour Craigslist for a used machine. We need one right away.”

“These are guaranteed to last for years.”

And the justifying went on and on until we looked at each other and burst out laughing. Who were we kidding?! There was no way we were spending $1600 on a washer and dryer set! Not when there were other options. It was nice to dream for two seconds, though.

The sellers had made it clear that they didn’t care whether we spent the whole thing on a set from Menards, or used only part of it to buy a used set. They just wanted to give us enough to cover a washer and dryer comparable to the ones that had been in the purchase agreement. Very nice of them.

We decided to buy used and put the difference back into the loan.

In the midst of the craziness of trying to move in the middle of a blizzard (welcome to April in Wisconsin), Joshua working extra hours with the bus, and settling a family of 7 into a new home, we began our search… on Craigslist. I didn’t find a whole lot. Discouraged, overwhelmed, and more than a tad stressed, we began to pray that God would give us wisdom and what He knew to be best.

Finally I came across an ad for a used appliance store advertising refurbished high capacity washers. We headed over there and found a gorgeous Samsung Smart Care 4.5 cu ft washer. From my research, it was exactly the machine I had been hoping to buy. Unfortunately, it had “SOLD” plastered on it. The sales lady offered to call a sister store in Minneapolis to see if they happened to have another one. When she got off the phone she said, “Great news! This one was actually being held for a woman who never picked it up. The lady never paid and it’s been here over the “holding time,” so it is available if you want it. In fact, it’s been here so long, I’ll give you 20% off.” The listed price was $400. With the discount she was offering, the sale price came down to $320. Oh, yeah!!

Even better, they had the matching dryer and she offered it for the same price. So, after taxes, we ended up paying a total of $686 for my dream washer and dryer set! Yes, they are used, but only barely. It was one of those things where the original buyer decided they didn’t like the set for whatever reason, so they returned it to the store. It was an outdated model, so the store sold it to this appliance place to clear it out of their showroom. The only thing wrong with the set is that the washer has a few small dings on the side.

What a blessing God gave us!

The Numbers:

Out of curiosity I looked up our machines to find the retail value. If we’d bought these slightly outdated models brand new the cost would have been….

Washer: $550

Dryer: $700

Difference between retail and used (before tax): $610

If we were just spending our own money and were going to “buy smart and pay the difference” we would pay $610 extra on our loan this month. Since we were given a check to buy a new set, we actually got to save more than that.

What we could have spent: $1600

What we actually spent: $686

Difference to add to first payment: $914

Fun Fact: I plugged the numbers into Payoff Track. If the only extra money we ever paid on our loan was that $914, we could pay off our mortgage five months early and reduce our total interest by whopping $2,690.57!

Brand new washer and dryer set for $1600? Or slightly used set for $686, knocking almost $2700 off our loan?

Now I can wash this whole pile of laundry at one time.

The only downside is that I no longer have a kid tall enough to move it all to the dryer.

Pray. Buy smart. Pay the difference.

Our Top 3 Reasons to Get Out of Debt

In my last post I talked about our goal of paying off our house in 7 years. That seems like a crazy, unrealistic idea to some people. To us it sounds hard, but not impossible. But why? Why do we so badly want to get out from under our loan? Here are our top 3 reasons for wanting to pay off our house as quickly as possible.

1.      Debt is serious

The Bible doesn’t say it’s a sin to borrow money. It also doesn’t say that it’s a wonderfully awesome thing, either. Scripture does, however, give some pretty heavy warnings about where debt can lead and how to properly handle money owed. Proverbs 22:7 says that the borrower is slave to the lender. I don’t know about you, but I’m not a huge fan of making myself a slave to anyone but God. Debt, in a very real way, enslaves you as you are bound to repay that money with compounding interest. This ties you up and has brought many people to more than just financial ruin. Psalm 37:21 says that the wicked borrow and do not repay, so we know that once we get into debt we are obligated to repay our loan. Along that note, Ecclesiastes 5:4 tells us that it is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it (such as getting into debt and then having to foreclose). God never says you cannot get into debt, but He does warn that it is a heavy burden and that, as Christians, we are obligated to repay our debts honestly. When we get in over our heads with debts too large to repay, we bring ourselves financial ruin and a poor name to the Body of Christ.

2.      Good stewardship means not wasting money

We should all be good stewards of our money. To us, that means not spending more than necessary so that we can put our finances to the best possible use. Instead of supporting a corporation with interest dollars, we’d rather put that extra money toward helping others adopt, supporting missionaries, and assisting people in crisis.

With interest, our $126,300 loan would explode into paying the bank $233,768.96 over the course of a 30 year term. That’s $98,768.96 more than we “bought” the house for. In other words, if we pay on schedule we will pay 73.16% more than what the house is currently worth. That’s quite a markup.

To put things in perspective I downloaded a free app called “Payoff Track” which allows you to customize the numbers and see how much you can save by making extra payments on your loan. You can even track multiple loans at once if you want.  

I inserted the data: A loan of $126,300 at an interest rate of 4.625% on a 30 year term, with the first payment being due June 1, 2018. Our monthly payment, as you can see from the screen shot below, is $649.36 (insurance and taxes brings our monthly house bill to $974.51).

Did you know that just by making double payments you can pay off your 30 year loan in about 10 years? That doesn’t quite meet our dream of a 7 year payoff, though, so we had to create some bigger goals. If I click on “Payments” in the blue box I can adjust each month’s payment by what we expect to actually pay on the loan. We are aiming to pay an extra $708.71 each month, which is simply what we worked into our budget to be able to afford. That’s our goal, of course, based on a “good month” and barring any national emergencies.

The app makes it easy to calculate extra payments. I clicked on “Batch” in the upper right hand corner and set it up to automatically add that extra money into the monthly payment. This brings our monthly batch payment on the principle and interest to $1358.07.

If I remember correctly, that brought our payoff date to somewhere around 9 years from now. Great! But still not good enough to meet our goal. We went in and added an extra $5,000 to every April payment. Where is that extra $5,000 coming from? Hopefully a chunk of it will come from our tax return and we’ll be able to make up the rest of it with savings along the way. Hopes and dreams. Not necessarily reality, but this is our Grownup Dream, remember? These are pretend numbers we’re playing with.

If I go back to the home screen and click on “Summary” in the blue box, I can get a quick rundown of how we’re doing, and our scheduled payoff date. We are hoping to put an extra $2,926.58 toward our first payment due in June (in the next post I’ll tell you how part of that money came about). In addition to that large first payment of $4,225.30, by making an extra payment of $708.71 each month, and theoretically being able to pay an extra $5,000 on top of that every April for the next 7 years, we can have our house paid off by April 1, 2025. Woohooo!!! See, that dream is not so unrealistic after all, right??! Yeah, yeah, I hear your eyes rolling. It’s a stretch, and we know we won’t be able to meet that goal every single month. But it doesn’t seem so very far out of reach after all.

Let’s take a closer look at that “Summary” page. If we really can reach our monthly and yearly goals, then we will have shortened our payoff date by 23 years. Right. Duh. Okay, but let’s look at the financial numbers. Under “Current Status” it tells me that we will have made $94,159.19 worth of extra payments. This means we will have made only 82 payments, shortening our loan by 278 payments. And here’s the kicker. We will have paid only $21,106.57 in interest, rather than the $107,468.96 we are scheduled to pay. That means, in the long run, our loan will cost a total of $147,406.57 instead of $233,768.96. That’s a savings of $86,362.39. What can YOU do with an extra eighty-six-thousand-three-hundred-sixty-two-dollars-and-thirty-nine-cents?

If we don’t have to pay that much more, isn’t it a waste to do so? For us, good stewardship means *if possible* putting that $86,362.39 into something far more meaningful than financially supporting a bank. Which brings us to our third and most exciting point.

3.      The sooner we get out of debt, the more we can help others

If we can get out of debt, we will have more resources to help more people. We are all responsible for helping others no matter what our personal finances look like, but if we do not owe a huge amount to the bank every month, we will have that much more to offer others in need. After receiving so much help from others, we’re pretty excited about paying it forward!

Secondly, we can get off support and thereby support more preachers. Don’t get me wrong, we are incredibly grateful to our supporters who make it possible to minister in Wisconsin. It’s thanks to them that Joshua only has to work a part-time secular job and is able to focus so much of his attention on preaching and evangelism. But we don’t feel like we should plan to rely on this support forever.

If we didn’t have to make a monthly house payment of $649.26 we would have an extra $7,792.32 a year. With the financial support we receive from the congregation Joshua preaches for, plus his job as a bus driver, we would not have to rely on outside support to continue preaching here.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with living on support from Christians in other areas. There are biblical examples of doing so (see such passages as Philippians 4:10-20). However, if we can work toward getting off support, the finances we currently receive will be freed up for our supporters to help other Christians. Missionaries and preachers in other areas can receive help from the Christians who currently support us, and the Gospel can be spread further. And that is a motivating reason to get out of debt.

The Death of a Dream: Getting Into Debt

On April 6, 2018, a childhood dream died.

We took out our first loan. 

Ever since I was a preteen girl sitting in on my parents’ Dave Ramsey class, I had this wild dream of paying cash for a house and never. Ever. going into debt.

....I'll pause here for you to laugh....

As we all know, life happens and saving that kind of money takes gazelle intensity, and probably fewer kids with fewer major medical emergencies. 

I hate debt. I really, really do. It can quickly drown you and gets out of your hands faster than a terrified lizard drenched in oil. (Is that a saying? It should be.) However, I also recognize that going into debt is not necessarily a sin, and it is sometimes necessary.

With the end of our lease looming and the cost of rentals rising, we simply couldn’t afford to keep renting in this area. We have five monkeys, and no one would rent us less than a 4 bedroom house, at about $1800 a month. Yikes.

By the grace of God and the generosity of our brothers and sisters, we’ve been able to avoid debt up till now, but we’ve built up very little savings. So, we came to terms with the fact that buying a house with cash was out of the question. Sigh. Good-bye, Childhood Dream! You kept me out of a lot of trouble, but you’re just no longer practical.

I then entered that bargaining stage of grieving my broken dreams. Like, what if we bought a really, really cheap house and paid it off really, really fast? That would still kinda-sorta be the same, right? Um, no, not really. Nonetheless, our hopes high, we began our house hunting search only looking at properties under $50,000. It didn’t take long to tour all two of those dilapidated, uninhabitable homes.

Mmmk. We bumped it up to $100k. While we found more properties that were technically livable, we didn’t find any that didn't require pretty immediate repairs costing at least $25k. And most of those had mold problems. I’m allergic to mold. So, yeah. No.

With spring fast approaching (a.k.a. the end of our lease) we bit the bullet and got preapproved with our bank in order to find out just how much we would be allowed to borrow. You know, just out of curiosity.

Do you know something? Banks are crazy! I’m not one of those people who is all hush-hush about finances. I don’t care if you know how much we make, so I’m going to go ahead and tell you that with Joshua’s preaching salary and his part-time job driving a school bus, we make about $48,000 a year. He hasn’t been with his part-time job for 2 years yet, so the bank doesn’t count that income. And they STILL would let us borrow $135,000. 

Let’s just think about that for a second. They are willing to let a family of 7 (who, for their purposes, makes less than $30,000 a year) borrow one hundred and thirty-five THOUSAND dollars; which, over the course of 30 years, is going to actually cost $240,992.39. And we’re supposed to actually be able to pay that off. On $30k a year. With 5 kids. Does this strike anyone else as COMPLETELY INSANE? Or is it just me? No wonder people are foreclosing right and left. Who can seriously, actually, raise a family and keep up a mortgage on $30k these days??? 

Sorry. I’m probably overreacting. But, guys, debt! It’s CRAZY! In reality, we make more than $30k, so yes, we can afford that kind of mortgage. But the fact that they are willing to let us borrow over 4 times our countable income… It’s a conspiracy. They don’t WANT you to pay off your debt…

Anyway. End rant.

So, what did we do? We bought a house for $135,000 of course…

I know. You’re never supposed to buy as much as you qualify for. But… We did. And we truly believe that this house is a blessing from God. It’s already completely handicap accessible, and in an area with mostly two-level homes, that is a huge deal. Little Miss is loving how easily she can get around in her wheelchair!

But, I can’t completely forget Dave Ramsey. He’s still influencing my financial dreams.

Enter, More-Practical-But-Still-Kinda-Sketchy Grownup Dream: Pay off our mortgage in less than 7 years. 

Why 7? Because 7 years is the length of indentured servanthood. And I don’t want to be a servant of the bank for longer than that (see Proverbs 22:7).

Can we do that on an income of less than $50,000? Who knows. Want to find out? I’m inviting you along as a spectator. To hold ourselves accountable and stay motivated, we’re going to keep track of how much extra we’re able to put toward the mortgage. I plan on posting updates here so that you can follow the journey.

A couple things before we begin, though. I always hesitate to post financial articles. People are weird about money. They just are. It’s one of those taboo topics that you’re not supposed to talk about in polite society. It’s never made me uncomfortable to talk finances, but I know it can make some people a little uneasy, and I hate to do that. I don’t want you to feel like I’m being judgy about how you spend your money, or like I’m bragging about how we spend ours. That’s totally not why I am doing this. I just think it’s fun, interesting, and a good way for me to stay focused. That’s all. If it inspires you to slash some of your own debt, cool. If it makes you uncomfortable, I will NOT be offended if you choose to skip these posts.

Secondly, putting all this out there makes me a little uncomfortable. I know, I know, I know. I just said I don’t mind talking personal finances. And that’s mostly true. But, there is a part of me that says, Don’t do it. Somehow, someway, someone will use this against you. Maybe that fear comes from the fact that we’re on support. A preacher’s family on support has to be very careful about revealing personal details. (Or, so I’m told.) Maybe it’s because I don’t like failing and I recognize that paying off that much money in 7 years is doomed to failure really hard. At any rate, I was very hesitant to do this. After some prayer, consideration, and discussion with my husband, I came to the conclusion that those are partly valid and partly unnecessary concerns, and that ultimately the benefits outweigh the risks.

So. If you’ll agree not to maniacally use this information against my family and promise not to make too much fun of me when we don’t pay off our loan in 7 years ecstatically celebrate with us when we succeed, you’re welcome to follow our progress!

Purchase Price: $135,000

Interest Rate: 4.625%

Down Payment: $8,700 (this included a $6,000 grant)

Loan Amount: $126,300

Monthly Payment (including insurance and taxes): $974.51

 Expected Payoff Date: April 6, 2025

5 Things I Wish I Had Known About Pornography Before I Got Married

I love my husband. He is a godly man, and I respect him more than any other man in the world. Though he is influenced by his history, his past does not define him. I share this information with Joshua's encouragement. We want to help others break free from the bondage of pornography. It destroys hearts, marriages, families, and society. But most important, pornography addiction destroys your relationship with God. It is our prayer that, by being transparent and honest about the struggles in our own lives, Joshua and I can help someone else overcome this sin and heal from the destruction pornography brings. There is forgiveness in Christ, and through Him there is victory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before Joshua and I officially started courting, he told me that he had been involved in pornography. He wanted to make that clear before I committed to a relationship with him so that I knew exactly who he was and who he had previously been. He told me how sorry he was for his actions and the way his past would affect our future, and he asked me to forgive him. His complete honesty and humility impressed me.

Joshua’s confession came as no surprise. Perhaps I was a little jaded, but at least I wasn’t naïve. Few men escape childhood and adolescence unscarred by pornography’s claws, and I knew that no matter who I married the likelihood of my future husband having a history of porn use was extremely high. Even so, I was not as aware of the effects of pornography as I would like to have been. I knew it would affect our marriage, but I didn’t know how much. Here are five things about pornography that I wish I could go back and tell my unmarried self: